After quite the sleepless night I reach for my iPhone and squint for the time. 3:12. Ironically, it’s about the same time those are waking up and preparing for Sadhana (daily spiritual practice). My racing thoughts began to weave into some sense and little did I know my phone would be used for more then its clock but to soon record the thoughts of a spiritual awakening that was soon to transpire…
I felt a sort of mental buzzing sensation since the moment I laid down around 10PM this evening after becoming wrapped up in all of the shifts, transitions and contracts ending and beginning in my life recently. I began to reflect on the past six months when I lost my ‘Self’ and my regular spiritual practice at my hOMe (Karma Yoga) after ending a romantic relationship and moving away to finish college. These changes in my routine weighed on me in so many different aspects of my life. My ego spread like wildfire questioning my worth, increasing doubt and instilling fear. I was sleep deprived yet oversleeping, exhausted and hungry without any sound reason, my anxiety and stress increased immensely and my body became much weaker and tense. I copped (or tried to) by self-medicating through alcohol, anger and over-doing. Now 3:37, I wiped my tears, exhaled all frustration and opened my wounded heart questioning the ‘why’ and ‘what fors’ coming to the realization that my heart was allowed to hurt in order to heal- *I had never truly allowed this process until now. My breathing slowed and I realized more then this lasting pain and heartbreak my Soul was hungrier then ever!!! The ‘sole’ reason being, I AM and always will be a thirsty light leader- we all have the capability within to be the light regardless of external and surface stressors. At this moment, bliss filled my entire being with the acknowledgement: I am a light leader with a passionate desire of feeding my soul all of the juicy spiritual/emotional/physical benefits of yoga, meditation, mantra, chanting, pranayama, and of course connecting with the divine.
I’m human, we all fall off the yoga and health conscious path at one time or another. I think we can all agree it’s normally a rough patch but what a blessing it is to see the important role your sadhana plays in your happiness, health and holiness. I now see, so CLEARLY, this self-crisis is an opportunity for miracles and radical change. This shift in perspective is opening every aspect of my being towards my truth (my truth= my true calling). I now have pure clarity of my true calling- that I am here to clear, heal and share. I am here to spread this pure consciousness anyway that I can, forever!
I guess everything does happen for a reason, heartbreak and all! I came to this dark place in order to see the light. That’s divine alignment- the bigger purpose for our experiences: what our Souls can learn from them.
I AM stronger then ever. I AM strong as steel.
…A yawn or two finally take place as the buzzing begins to settle. I can’t help but giggle that it is now 4AM as I am typing my final thoughts on my iPhone mentally noting, “Good morning Katherine (My spiritual teacher). My Sadhana just ended, your turn! I’m off to dream big.”
May love & peace be with you always & may your true calling awaken you each and every day.